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childhood carnivals

pink mouths softened cradle candy floss.
excited hands swat flies, & someone buys another
ticket to the merry-go-round. this must be 
a carnival — where else can one find such innocent
decadence? sunshine sinking dips into clavicles  
& my childhood’s gone. this must be a dream
— where else does my tongue still taste so sweet?

on earth, we are

(i think) the theory goes that the entire universe is sitting in an alien school-boy’s science project jar. every planet is fixed on the end of a string which is tied around his fingers (& pluto always trips & planet nine is —). & the earth. blue-green disformed lump of clay which once slipped into the school-boy’s cup of tea & now never stops sparkling. mysterious. & now. humans. h u m a n s. huuuuuuumanss. sometimes when he’s bored the school-boy just sits & stares at the shiny rock & the tiny tiny dots which keep running from one end of the triangle to the other. school-boy’s science notebook has a chart tracking the increase in the dot-cover on EaRth with a blinking question mark at the top. busy buzzing flies flying flying flying. 

on EartH, we are. zipping zapping light years swallowing sunlight gobble gulping globs of sUn. sometimes school-boy feels twitchy & his left middle finger flicks & earth flips. all the dots wobble. & settle. some disappear. 

school-boy’s charts are all messed up right now. all the dots keep flickering &. he does not have the time to chart. there’s a storm coming. he has a date. 

bodies / space

i could never hear the birds chirping before. 
they sing, & i taste melons. 
it’s summer. & my body remembers 
even though we’ve never been here before.

the bed sinks beneath my weight. 
it takes three & a half hands to reach my mum. 
i pinch her cheek. 

every day, nothing happens.
& yet, every night, i sink beneath the weight 
of every mote of dust stuck to my skin. 

everything hurts

everything hurts & we slice our wrists on

your softest corners   render ourselves hollow

& yet your words find spaces to bury 

themselves. everything hurts & you water 

flowers inside our lungs & every thing of beauty

is followed by death. everything hurts &

there’s no joy left unmarred  unstained  un 

broken 

darlings need your saving

i look out the window at the violet sky like a lonely princess,
a fucked up damsel in distress flattened to her shiny curls 
& large eyes & prettily bitten-red mouth perfect for begging
please, kind sir, save me! take me far away from this wretched
place! & she never knows her worth because you are only worth
something if you feel worthless when you are alone, when the knight
in shining armour hasn’t ridden for miles to save you. darling,
you need to be saved so badly, don’t you? 

i reach out & out & out but fail to touch the corner

today i changed my clothes twice because i was bored / disoriented 
from falling asleep again sometime i couldn’t remember. days yawn
& flutter their lashes hoping it would make the words appear less 
blurry. i broke off a piece off the bar of chocolate which has been lying 
in the fridge since before holi & i cannot recall its taste. indulgences taste
guilty when i fail to appreciate their luxury. i got no work done today. 
the only difference between sleeping & being awake is that when i’m asleep,
no one looks at me.