pink mouths softened cradle candy floss. excited hands swat flies, & someone buys another ticket to the merry-go-round. this must be a carnival — where else can one find such innocent decadence? sunshine sinking dips into clavicles & my childhood’s gone. this must be a dream — where else does my tongue still taste so sweet?
(i think) the theory goes that the entire universe is sitting in an alien school-boy’s science project jar. every planet is fixed on the end of a string which is tied around his fingers (& pluto always trips & planet nine is —). & the earth. blue-green disformed lump of clay which once slipped into the school-boy’s cup of tea & now never stops sparkling. mysterious. & now. humans. h u m a n s. huuuuuuumanss. sometimes when he’s bored the school-boy just sits & stares at the shiny rock & the tiny tiny dots which keep running from one end of the triangle to the other. school-boy’s science notebook has a chart tracking the increase in the dot-cover on EaRth with a blinking question mark at the top. busy buzzing flies flying flying flying.
on EartH, we are. zipping zapping light years swallowing sunlight gobble gulping globs of sUn. sometimes school-boy feels twitchy & his left middle finger flicks & earth flips. all the dots wobble. & settle. some disappear.
school-boy’s charts are all messed up right now. all the dots keep flickering &. he does not have the time to chart. there’s a storm coming. he has a date.
i look out the window at the violet sky like a lonely princess, a fucked up damsel in distress flattened to her shiny curls & large eyes & prettily bitten-red mouth perfect for begging please, kind sir, save me! take me far away from this wretched place! & she never knows her worth because you are only worth something if you feel worthless when you are alone, when the knight in shining armour hasn’t ridden for miles to save you. darling, you need to be saved so badly, don’t you?
today i changed my clothes twice because i was bored / disoriented from falling asleep again sometime i couldn’t remember. days yawn & flutter their lashes hoping it would make the words appear less blurry. i broke off a piece off the bar of chocolate which has been lying in the fridge since before holi & i cannot recall its taste. indulgences taste guilty when i fail to appreciate their luxury. i got no work done today. the only difference between sleeping & being awake is that when i’m asleep, no one looks at me.