i water this flwr & watch it drown

i buy new batteries so i can fuck myself with something other than my fingers 
& call it intimacy. i sit in front of the mirror look myself in the eye & whisper it 
but my lips refuse to stop trembling & it slips out of my mouth. i cup my palms 
together & catch it. i sit it on my left rib, & my chest stops shaking. i stare 
at a fingerprint three planets away from my eyes but i refuse to close them. 
shivers wrack my spine if i touch my fingers to my clavicle right now i could pretend 
i cannot feel alone. i bruise easily. softened terrible wrists i cannot leave my house
without a watch. if i curl my hand around mine i might just collapse. galaxies
unwound behind my eyelids confetti shivers in the cold i do not attempt to untangle
every single thread. finding meaning is pointless. loneliness does not feel less
alone if i write (3) academic papers about it. & i refuse to try. i fogged up
the mirror. looked myself in the eye. but i yearn, still. can i stay in bed all day? 

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