14 Lines From Love Letters Or Suicide Notes

(Inspired by Doc Luben’s poem with the same title.)

1. I don’t like myself quite as much without you around.
2. I keep imagining how one day my heart would slow down and the world would slow down and yet, time would keep rushing and all I would be able to think of is the list of people who would never know I loved them. 
3. I love you. I opened and closed and opened and closed and opened and closed and opened- the zipper of my favourite blue handbag fourteen times today, and now it won’t close anymore. I’m sorry. 
4. I’m making chocolate chip pancakes and I miss you. Come home, sweetheart.
5. Today, I sat at the top of a mountain and screamed your name. 
6. Someone keeps using your razor. I keep buying new ones.
7. Sometimes, my mother stares at the television, picks apart melon seeds, and sings under her breath. 
8. Home smells like fear.
9. I want to build a new home. Stay?
10. Sometimes, I lay down on the floor, stare up at the ceiling, and try to simply breathe. You leave me breathless.
11. Your hoodies engulf me. I can’t tell anymore where you end, and where I begin. On some mornings, I wake up and I can hear my bones clanking against empty spaces under my skin. 
12. I’ve cleaned the windows, changed the sheets, turned off the stove, and locked the door. 
13. My phone says I’ve played this song on loop for fourteen days straight. 
14. Sing me to sleep?